Episode 47
Hi, I’m Joanne Cary. Welcome back to Embodied Soul.
This week I’m exploring being with your own knowing — and watching where, especially right now, you might be outsourcing it.
Gently asking:
Why do I want someone else to tell me?
Why do I want reassurance?
Why do I want confirmation?
Why do I want validation?
Is that actually true?
Or is it just another layer ready to be released?
If you’d like to join me, pull up a comfy chair. Invite in your Soul. And be open to receive exactly what you need to live and thrive as the embodied soul you are.
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I want to start by saying something very clearly.
Don’t take anything I say as the truth.
Don’t take it as the way it must be.
I’m sharing my lived experience — how it’s unfolding in me — so that it gives you a different lens, a different possibility.
But ultimately?
Trust what’s true in your body.
This is about building trust in your body.
This is about returning to a place of knowing where you are not constantly scanning outside of yourself for answers.
Where you are not defaulting to someone else’s authority.
Where you are open to the knowing that comes as you align with the truth of you.
And that alignment… it’s not loud.
It’s subtle.
It’s somatic.
It’s energetic.
And sometimes it hasn’t fully phased into words yet.
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Because somewhere along the way, we were taught not to trust ourselves.
To trust someone else who’s the expert.
Who knows better.
Who can see what we can’t.
And we learned to override our own knowing.
Maybe through moments we felt left out.
Or abandoned.
Or not loved.
Or when we followed our instinct and got in trouble for it.
And I can speak from my own experience —
doing what someone else thinks is the right way
is never the right way for me.
Do I learn something anyway?
Yes. Always.
But spiral after spiral, I come back to the same place:
What do I need?
And trusting that knowing —
even when it’s different from what someone else is saying.
Maybe especially when it’s different.
Because that’s where the unknown lives.
That’s where new potential lives.
That’s where a new way of being lives.
And honestly…
it’s an exciting time.
And I’m living that in real time.
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So let me share what’s been unfolding for me.
I’ve been in this recalibration space.
You’ve heard me talk about pause.
You’ve heard me talk about runway energy.
You’ve heard me talk about the building of momentum — and not yet moving.
There is a rebirth happening around my offers. Around what I hold. Around what I’m building.
There’s a reframing.
A refinement.
And I haven’t landed it yet.
There’s an underlying frequency I can feel.
I get hints of it.
Directions.
Little energetic pings.
Sometimes I think I have it.
And then it fades.
It’s not fully phased into reality yet.
Not solid enough to articulate.
And that can be uncomfortable.
Because the human part of me wants clarity.
Wants the answer.
Wants to move forward.
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And so this is part of the refinement as I’m feeling it and experiencing it right now.
And this has been spiraling.
I’ll look at it for a few weeks.
Then I’ll leave it.
Then I’ll come back to it.
And every time I spiral back around, I’m in a different place.
Something has shifted in me — even if I can’t name what shifted.
That’s how refinement works.
But this morning…
I caught something.
I was reflecting on it again and I thought:
“Maybe I should put out a poll.”
“Maybe I should ask the community what they want.”
“What would they engage with more?”
“What would create more response?”
And it felt logical.
Strategic.
Smart.
And then…
It was like a giant voice cut straight through the thought.
Cleanly.
Directly.
And said:
“Why do you want to do that?”
And I just stopped.
Because when something severs a thought that cleanly, I’ve learned to listen.
And I sat there and I asked myself:
Why DO I want to do that?
And the answer was honest.
Because I was hoping that if I shared what I was pondering, the response would be different.
I was hoping it would give me reassurance.
I was hoping it would help me decide.
I was hoping it would change the outcome.
And underneath all of that?
Expectation.
Subtle expectation.
And that showed me something.
Not about the community.
About where I was still wanting someone else to confirm what I hadn’t yet fully claimed in myself.
About where I was still outsourcing my own knowing.
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And it showed me something deeper.
Somewhere along the way, many of us were taught that tending to ourselves first is selfish.
But it’s not.
It’s oxygen mask wisdom.
You put your own mask on first.
Not because you don’t care about anyone else —
but because you cannot breathe for someone else if you are depleted.
And so let me say this clearly:
You are allowed to nourish yourself first.
You are allowed to follow what enlivens you.
When something presents itself — content, opportunity, invitation — you get to choose how you engage.
And when something moves through you to be offered — you get to choose how you share it, how it’s expressed in the world too.
You get to choose when you engage.
You get to choose if you engage.
That is sovereignty.
That is embodied expression.
It is not about meeting someone else’s expectations.
It is not about shaping yourself to fit someone else’s preference.
And the people who are in resonance with your nourishment — your alignment — your joy — will find you.
Magnetism doesn’t come from self-sacrifice.
It comes from coherence.
And coherence sometimes asks you to trust the quiet before the resonance becomes visible.
And here’s the deeper truth.
Only I know what fills me up.
Only I know what lights me up.
Only I know what makes time disappear.
Only I know what feels expansive in my body.
No poll can tell me that.
No strategy can tell me that.
No expert can tell me that.
Other people can share preferences.
They can share opinions.
They can share what they would like.
But they cannot tell me what enlivens my nervous system.
And if I build from anything other than that…
I will feel it.
I will feel it in resentment.
In heaviness.
In subtle contraction.
In “I should.”
And that’s not the energy I want to build from.
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That’s when I realized —
this episode isn’t really about offers.
It’s about sovereignty.
It’s about noticing the micro-moments where we try to outsource our knowing.
Where we reach for reassurance before we reach inward.
Where we poll for permission.
Where we delay action because we want someone to say, “Yes. That’s right.”
And especially right now…
In this recalibration space…
In this Fire Horse year energy…
(this fast, catalytic momentum…)
There is momentum building.
You can feel it.
There is something wanting to move.
And the parts of you that have been successful, productive, responsible, competent your whole, entire life?
They want to go.
They want to act.
They want to do.
They want to push the plane down the runway.
And sometimes the deeper wisdom says:
“Yes. But not now. All is okay.”
And that pause can feel like failure.
It can feel like stagnation.
It can feel like confusion.
But it’s not.
It’s refinement.
It’s energetic alignment catching up.
It’s your system recalibrating so that when you move…
You move clean.
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Let me offer you something practical.
Here are a few signs you might be outsourcing your knowing:
You feel relief imagining someone else deciding for you.
You want reassurance before taking a step.
You keep asking multiple people the same question, hoping one answer feels better.
You already know what you want — but you’re waiting for confirmation.
You’re hoping somebody validates the direction you secretly feel called toward.
Just notice.
No judgment.
Just awareness.
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And here’s a simple somatic check.
Put your hand somewhere on your body.
Think about the decision.
The offering.
The relationship.
The next step.
And ask:
Does this expand me?
Or contract me?
Does my breath deepen?
Or tighten?
Does my chest open?
Or close?
Your body knows before your mind does.
Your body is not strategic.
It’s honest.
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And here’s the discipline piece.
Because trusting yourself is not just a vibe.
It’s a practice.
For the next week, notice every time you seek validation before acting.
You don’t have to stop yourself.
Just notice.
Or, if you want to experiment…
Delay advice-seeking by 24 hours.
See what emerges in that space.
Let your own knowing surface first.
Build competence in listening to yourself.
That’s how trust grows.
Not by waiting for certainty.
But by taking small steps from alignment.
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Because here’s something tender.
Sometimes we ask other people what they want…
Because we’re afraid what lights us up won’t be enough.
We’re afraid joy isn’t strategic.
We’re afraid excitement isn’t sustainable.
We’re afraid alignment won’t translate.
But what I’m being shown over and over again is this:
Build what excites you.
Live in it.
Be in it.
And the people in resonance will find you.
Not because you optimized for them.
But because you embodied something real.
Magnetism doesn’t come from pleasing.
It comes from alignment.
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And yes — you can build from niche strategy.
You can build from market research.
There’s nothing wrong with that.
But if you’re in a season of recalibration…
If you can feel the runway humming beneath you…
If you know something deeper is rearranging…
Then maybe the invitation is different.
Maybe the invitation is:
Stop outsourcing your knowing.
Sit with it.
Let it refine you.
Let it clarify you.
Let it reshape you.
Even if it takes longer than your human prefers.
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Because every time I spiral back to this question…
I’m different.
I’m clearer.
I’m more honest.
And eventually…
It will land.
Not because someone else voted on it.
But because it locked into my body.
And when that happens?
There is no hesitation.
There is no convincing.
There is no polling.
There is just movement.
Clean.
Aligned.
Unapologetic.
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We are living in a time where trusting yourself is radical.
Where building from joy is countercultural.
Where pausing when you’re supposed to be pushing feels rebellious.
And yet…
That may be exactly what creates the new world we keep talking about.
Not louder.
Not faster.
But truer.
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So as you move through this week…
Notice where you’re tempted to outsource your knowing.
Notice where you’re waiting for permission.
Notice where your body already knows.
And take one small step from there.
Even if it’s foggy.
Even if you can’t see the whole staircase.
Trust that the next step is solid.
That’s how sovereignty grows.
One embodied step at a time.
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I’m sending you so much love as you move through this week.
If this episode resonated, if it supported you, please like, share, subscribe. It really does help these conversations reach the people they’re meant for.
And I look forward to being with you again next week on Embodied Soul.
