Episode 44
So I’m sitting here, staring out over the vastness of the ocean in the background, drinking my coffee. It so peaceful.
The cicadas haven’t started their harmonious, cacophony of buzzing yet, so I can actually hear inside of my own mind.
And I’ve just been reflecting on this past week.
This is Embodied Soul — and today I’m not guiding us anywhere.
I’m just taking what’s revealed by staying.
Last week, I shared an episode on presence — and living within the Shift through presence — very much allowing yourself to move with the flow and receive the experiences you need in each moment.
But this last week has held an intensity that I honestly can’t recall experiencing since my corporate days.
It was so much activity. So many moves between tasks. Keeping different contractors on track while navigating my own work, and navigating life in general. And everything seemed to be bringing up all of ihe things.
Now, it took me a few minutes — maybe a couple of hours — to really reflect and catch it in real time. To catch it while I was in it. And to realize:
“Oh… I’m being shown what is still resonating in my field, beneath the surface.”
Things I haven’t thought about in years. Things that just haven’t been part of my paradigm anymore.
And yet, through what I’d call a compression, it felt like everything needed to come together — to apply pressure. Pressure on my nervous system. Pressure in my body. To put me back into a mode I lived in daily for 10, 15 years in my job.
What I could feel was my nervous system remembering an old way of surviving.
My core braced. My breath shallow, sometimes almost absent. My hands unconsciously clenched.
I noticed my body doing what it used to do — moving from one thing to the next without pause, without food, without rest — all wrapped in a refined calm when dealing with others.
And underneath that composure, brief flashes of ‘this is too much’ — quickly overridden as one thing piled onto the next, without a clear end in sight.”
A mode I’ve unwound and unraveled over the last eight years or so.
And yet… it took just these two days of compression — of follow-ups, needing answers, solving problems, managing expectations — to bring it all back online.
And this feels important to name here — I didn’t experience this as regression, even though I noticed how quickly self-judgment snuck in.
Especially around old coping mechanisms.
What it felt like instead was an old, highly capable system coming back online because the conditions matched.
That mode hadn’t been erased. It was watching. Waiting. Ready if needed.
And the difference this time was that I was aware — in the moment.
And in the midst of that, there were other things being triggered in my system. Stories about men’s roles and women’s roles. Realizing that it wasn’t even something that was explicitly playing out — it was a lens I was viewing relationships through, based on my previous lived experience.
And even though nothing was said, there was a resonance that needed to be seen — so it could be brought into awareness, and so I could actively choose to change it.
And what that awareness gives us is choice.
High-functioning survival is a program many of us learned very early — and it works.
It kept things moving. It kept us safe. It kept us capable.
But it isn’t the only way anymore.
Now, when we can see it as it’s happening, we get to choose whether we continue running that program — or begin to change it.
This week also brought up old coping mechanisms I used after having a hard day.
For me, that looked like reaching for something familiar — alcohol, food — not as a problem, but as information.
I don’t drink very much anymore… but on that day, decompressing looked like reaching for a few drinks.
And later — in the quiet, when there was space to really feel — that recognition returned like the striking of a bell:
“Oh. This is how I used to numb myself.”
And in that moment, I could feel that I was really ready to let that program go.
This is how I coped in my later career. And this is what ultimately led to me waking up.
When I reached a point where I thought:
What happened to the things I love?
What happened to my hobbies?
What happened to my joy?
I was moving through my work life — highly functional, high-performing, under constant stress — while everything else quietly declined. Everything else was put on the back burner just to sustain that level of performance.
So why am I sharing this?
It reminded me of something I once read — or heard — about how our souls will always bring us the lessons we need, exactly when we need them. In the moment we’re in. In the day we’re in. In the experience we’re in.
We can’t avoid it.
We can’t get around it.
And that’s actually a good thing — because we came here for this.
Our soul isn’t separate from us. It is us — just at a different frequency.
And what I heard back then was this:
You could be a monk in a cave in the top of the Himalayan mountains, with no one around you — and your soul would still find a way, through your lived experience, to bring you exactly the lessons you need to release anything that’s keeping you from being fully, authentically you.
And when I look at my life over the last few days… we’re up on this mountain. Yes, there’s been construction, but overall it’s been peaceful. It’s been great. Things have been going well.
And yet, it was this sudden convergence — people showing up when they weren’t scheduled, everyone arriving at once, everything turning into a kind of beehive of activity — while still needing to manage clients, create content, deal with residency, and all the practical pieces of life.
I needed all of it.
I needed it to reveal — in my own consciousness — what still needed to shift.
The patterns still residing at a lower frequency.
The fear of needing to be a certain way to be enough.
These are things I’ve been working with for years — and this was simply another layer.
It came fast.
And it’s leaving fairly quickly.
I can’t say that it’s completely gone yet — but it feels like it’s all leading somewhere.
As I’m recording this, it’s January 31st — the eve of the Full Moon in Leo.
And it feels like these days leading up to it have been about illumination. About showing us what’s ready to be released so we can step across a threshold.
So as you reflect on your own life right now — where are you?
What are you experiencing?
Are you feeling this compression?
Are you allowing yourself to stay present and let the experiences reveal themselves — so that you can witness them?
And from this place of seeing — not fixing —new choice naturally emerged.
This time, instead of abandoning myself, I stayed.
I’ve made some very strong, clear choices through this, and they feel anchored. I’ve asked for support — from my higher self, from my monadic self — to help release these old patterns and beliefs with ease (this time), so I can anchor a higher frequency.
And I do feel that support.
Now, time will be the test.
The lived experience will be the true demonstration.
As we move into this Full Moon — or if you’re hearing this just after — the energies are still moving.
Wherever you are on your path, it’s exactly where you need to be to receive your next awareness… your next insight… your next activation.
So be gentle with yourself.
Know that you are capable.
That you are supported.
That you are prepared.
Even though what we’re facing right now isn’t always pleasant — or easy — it is, as one mentor once said, very productive — very beneficial to us.
And I believe… I truly believe that.
I also believe that what’s on the other side of all this change — all of this turbulence — is something extraordinary. Something beyond what we can imagine or anticipate.
I’m sending you so much love as we navigate these waves of change together.
And if you have enjoyed this episode of Embodied Soul, please like, share, and subscribe. It truly helps these messages out to those they’re meant to support.
I look forward to being with you again next week on Embodied Soul.
