Episode 66
Have you ever finished a day and wondered if you’ve done enough?
Do you ever find yourself measuring your worth by what you’ve accomplished, completed, or crossed off your to-do list?
Have you ever set out to do something you knew would support you, only to get distracted by “just one more thing”?
And perhaps most importantly…
Have you ever stopped to wonder who’s answering those questions?
Who’s deciding whether you’ve done enough?
And what are they basing those decisions upon?
In today’s episode of Embodied Soul, we’re exploring what I’ve come to call my Productivity Committee—the collection of inner voices and patterns that have helped me build my life, stay safe, and get things done.
But we’re also exploring something deeper.
How do we know when the measures we’ve used to define success are still serving us?
How do we recognize when we’ve begun overriding our own needs?
And what might change if we started listening to the quieter voice underneath all the planning, striving, and doing?
If you’d like to join me in exploring this, pull up a comfy chair, invite in your Soul, and be open to receive exactly what you need to live, be, and thrive as the embodied soul you are.
As I’ve shared in other episodes, I’ve been really conscious lately of my drive for productivity.
I’ve been noticing just how much of my life has been measured through the lens of being productive. Did I do enough today? Did I cross enough things off the list? What did I complete? What did I accomplish?
These are all very standard measures. If you’ve worked in a company, gone through school, or simply grown up in your culture, you’ve probably inherited some version of these value systems. They’re the measures we use to determine whether we’ve been productive, whether we’ve been successful, whether we’ve been enough.
And I’ve become very aware that I put a lot of pressure on myself through those measures.
To do.
To produce.
To complete.
To achieve.
I’ve taken pride in that part of myself. My entire career was built on it.
And while there are beautiful aspects to that part of me—she’s determined, resilient, consistent, she gets stuff done—I’ve also started to notice the cost.
Because the other side of that pattern is that resting can feel difficult.
Sitting and reading a book can feel difficult.
Doing something that can’t easily be measured as productive can feel difficult.
Leaving something unfinished can feel difficult.
I’ve noticed how often I’ve pushed myself beyond what my body was asking for. How often I’ve stayed up at the computer longer than I wanted to. How often I’ve continued when I was tired. How often I’ve overridden signals from my body because I needed to finish one more thing.
And when I really sat with that realization, it actually made me quite sad.
Because I could see how often I had abandoned myself. I wasn’t just ignoring my body’s signals occasionally. I had built an entire identity around overriding them.
Now, I want to be clear. I’m not blaming school, work, society, or anyone else.
Certainly those influences helped shape my beliefs, but these are ultimately measures that I adopted. Consciously or unconsciously, I chose to live by them.
And over time, they became so normal that I didn’t even question them.
So over the last while, I’ve been consciously choosing a different way.
Part of that has been intentional. Part of it has simply been that my body and energy system have become increasingly clear in their communication.
To the point where it has become almost impossible to push through in the ways I used to.
If I push too long…
If I’m overriding myself…
If I’m forcing something that isn’t aligned…
The energy drops.
The body gets heavy.
The exhaustion arrives.
There’s no momentum.
There’s no flow.
I can still try to push, but it becomes increasingly frustrating because there simply isn’t any energy available.
And I thought I was doing pretty well with this.
I thought I had made a lot of progress.
Until recently.
Because I caught a very sneaky little loop.
One of those patterns that has been running so long that I didn’t even see it.
I had consciously decided that I wanted to move more with the flow.
Rather than following a rigid schedule or constantly trying to optimize my day, I had begun asking different questions.
What does my body need right now?
What has energy right now?
What am I genuinely being drawn toward?
And then acting on that.
Or at least I thought I was.
Because here’s what would happen.
I’d get up in the morning, have my coffee, and ask myself, “What do I want to do today?”
And more often than not, I’d hear:
“Let’s go for a walk.”
Simple.
Clear.
No drama.
Just go for a walk.
And I’d think, “That’s a great idea.”
I’d start gathering my things. Put on my shoes. Get ready to head out the door.
But in order to get to my front door, I have to pass my office.
And almost every single time, as I passed the office, another voice would show up.
“Oh, before we go, let’s just check one thing.”
Just one thing.
Maybe it was an email.
Maybe it was a YouTube comment.
Maybe it was something I needed to update.
Maybe it was something I forgot yesterday.
Just one thing.
And I’d think, “Actually, that’s a good idea. I did want to do that.”
So I’d go to my office.
I’d sit down.
And maybe I’d do that one thing.
Or maybe I’d notice something else.
Which would lead to another thing.
Which would lead to another thing.
And before I knew it, the walk was gone.
It was too hot.
Or it was raining.
Or I had another commitment.
Or the day had simply moved on.
And when I finally caught this pattern, it was like a lightning bolt of awareness.
Because there was this poor aspect of me still standing at the front door waiting for the walk.
Still waiting for me to follow through on what I had genuinely wanted.
And one of the things I’m learning is that my body often speaks first.
The mind speaks second.
And the Productivity Committee definitely speaks third.
And if I don’t pay attention, that first whisper can get drowned out very quickly.
And before I go any further, I want to invite you to become curious about something.
Where is your version of my office door?
What is the thing you keep saying you want to do for yourself…
and yet somehow something always seems to happen first?
Maybe it’s going for a walk.
Maybe it’s exercising.
Maybe it’s working on a creative project.
Maybe it’s resting.
Maybe it’s drinking more water.
Maybe it’s finally making that phone call.
Whatever it is, what is the thing that continually gets delayed by “just one more thing”?
Don’t judge yourself for it. Just notice it.
Because sometimes seeing the pattern is the first step toward changing it.
And what I found fascinating was that I had been telling myself I was listening to my body.
I had been telling myself I was choosing differently.
But this tiny little productivity loop kept hijacking the original impulse.
And that’s when I met what I now lovingly call my Productivity Committee.
Now, here’s the important part.
The Productivity Committee isn’t bad.
I’m not trying to get rid of it.
I’m not trying to shame it.
In fact, I deeply appreciate it.
That committee helped build my life.
That committee helped me create a career.
That committee helped me show up consistently.
And that committee helped me keep promises and follow through.
It has kept me safe for a very long time.
But I think that committee is a little nervous right now. Because this new way of living doesn’t come with the same certainty.
Listening to your body is less predictable.
Following your energy is less predictable.
Living in the moment is less predictable.
And I think that part of me keeps trying to pull me back toward what feels familiar.
What feels safe.
What feels measurable.
So I’ve been experimenting with something very simple.
When I ask myself what I genuinely want to do, I try to do that thing first.
Before I negotiate.
Before I rationalize.
Before I let the committee hold a meeting.
If the impulse is to go for a walk, I go for the walk.
If the impulse is to send an email, I send the email.
If the impulse is to rest, I rest.
Not perfectly. But more often.
And something else became clear.
Part of my challenge wasn’t just changing my behaviour.
It was changing my metrics. Changing what I measure.
Because even when I was beginning to live differently, I was still measuring myself by the old scoreboard.
I was still asking:
What did I accomplish?
What did I complete?
Was I productive enough?
And so I’ve been experimenting with new questions.
Did I listen to myself today?
Did I honour my energy?
Did I override my body?
Did I stop when I needed to stop?
Did I follow the first impulse?
Did I follow through on what I genuinely knew was right for me in that moment?
And those questions have been changing everything.
And if you’d like to experiment with me this week, I’d like to offer a simple practice.
I call it Following the First Whisper.
Once a day, pause and ask yourself:
“What do I genuinely want or need right now?”
Then pay attention to the very first response.
Not the second one.
Not the committee meeting that happens afterward.
Not the ten reasons why you should do something else.
Just the first whisper.
Maybe it’s:
Go for a walk.
Drink some water.
Send the email.
Stretch.
Rest.
Sit outside.
Call a friend.
Whatever it is, see if you can honour it before negotiating with yourself.
Not forever.
Not perfectly.
Just as an experiment.
And notice what happens.
Notice the stories that arise.
Notice the resistance.
Notice which members of your internal committee suddenly have very strong opinions.
Because that information is valuable.
It tells you something about how you’re wired.
It tells you something about the patterns you’ve learned.
And awareness is often where change begins.
Now, one thing I’ve learned through this podcast is that there is no one-size-fits-all answer.
A beautiful example happened recently when I was sharing this exact story with a friend.
I finished explaining my productivity committee and my tendency to keep pushing.
And she laughed.
She said, “I’m exactly the opposite.”
She said, “I don’t struggle with stopping. I struggle with starting again.”
And I thought that was such a perfect example.
Because the goal isn’t to copy someone else’s answers.
The goal is to understand yourself.
It’s why I often offer reflective questions rather than telling you exactly what to do.
Because your pattern may be completely different from mine.
Your growth edge may be completely different from mine.
The practice is becoming curious enough to discover what is true for you.
To become the scientist in your own life.
To ask:
Why do I do that?
Why does this trigger me?
Why do I keep repeating this pattern?
Why does this situation feel so difficult?
Because when we become curious instead of judgmental, something shifts.
We begin reclaiming our power.
We stop looking outside ourselves for all the answers.
Other people can offer perspectives.
They can act as mirrors.
They can share experiences.
But ultimately, nobody knows your inner landscape better than you do.
And that awareness creates choice.
And perhaps, that’s really what this episode has been about.
Not becoming less productive.
But becoming more aware of who is making the decisions…
and what they’re basing those decisions upon.
Because change doesn’t happen through shame.
It doesn’t happen by making parts of ourselves wrong.
It happens through awareness.
It happens through understanding.
It happens through learning how we work.
And perhaps, little by little, creating new ways of measuring a life well lived.
If you’ve enjoyed this episode of Embodied Soul, I’d love to hear from you.
What resonated most?
Do you have a productivity committee of your own?
Leave me a comment and let me know.
And if this episode supported you, please consider liking, subscribing, or sharing it with someone who might need it.
It really does help these conversations reach the people they’re meant to reach.
Thank you for being here, and I look forward to being with you again next week.
