Episode 59
Have you ever had a moment where something came out of your mouth so quickly, so sharply, that even you were surprised by it?
A moment where you suddenly realized:
“Whoa… where did that come from?”
This week, I had one of those moments.
And what unfolded afterward showed me something really profound about awakening, consciousness, and the inner parts of ourselves that may still be unconsciously running our lives.
Because this week I realized that awakening isn’t becoming a perfect version of ourselves.
It’s becoming aware of the parts that have been unconsciously running us.
If you want to join me, pull up a comfy chair, invite in your soul, and be open to receive exactly what you need to live, be, and thrive as the embodied soul you are.
This week, I found myself reflecting on something that happened early in the week, as I was contemplating what this week’s Embodied Soul episode might be about.
And what stood out most strongly to me was a moment where I felt very much like Jekyll and Hyde.
I felt like I had such a short fuse that when it actually revealed itself to me, I surprised even myself.
It was quick.
Sharp.
Intense.
And afterward, when I sat and reflected, I remembered thinking:
Wow.
That was a bit of an overreaction… a little more intense than was warranted.
Because the reaction bubbled up through me so quickly and so unconsciously that it genuinely caught me off guard.
And as I sat with it, something really interesting began happening.
Instead of collapsing into guilt or shame or trying to justify it, I began watching it.
I began observing myself.
And as I allowed myself to step back in perception just a little bit, I could begin to see more clearly the part of me that had reacted so strongly — and what it was actually trying to say.
And what I realized was…
it wasn’t taking me backwards.
It was showing me something.
It was showing me where I was still keeping myself small.
Where I wasn’t speaking what I was truly feeling.
Where I was bending myself before I had even had even spoken a word outwardly.
And this is where the deeper realization came in for me.
Because at first glance, it would be easy to think:
“Oh, I reacted because of what someone else said… or did… or didn’t do.”
Or:
“Oh, I reacted because of someone else’s expectations of me.”
But what I realized was that it was actually… it wasn’t about someone else’s expectations at all.
It was about my own inner expectations.
My own internal conditioning.
The unconscious identities and inner parts of me that believed I needed to behave a certain way in order to maintain peace, be loved, be accepted, be responsible, hold things together, not disappoint anyone, not inconvenience anyone.
The part that believes:
“Just keep moving.”
“Just handle it.”
“Just be kind.”
“Just stay calm.”
“Just don’t rock the boat.”
And those parts had become so automatic, so normalized, that I didn’t even realize I was obeying them.
I had mistaken them for me.
But they are not who we are.
They are protective structures.
They were created through our experiences, our conditioning, our childhoods, our culture, our schooling, our religion, our relationships — all the ways we learned how to navigate the world safely.
And they served a purpose.
They helped us survive.
They helped us belong.
They helped us receive love, approval, and safety.
So what erupted wasn’t actually anger at another person.
It was the pressure of internal structures that could no longer hold.
And what was fascinating was that, through the rest of the week, I found myself navigating almost from the perspective of a third-party observer.
It was almost as though I was perceiving myself from a higher vantage point, from my Higher-self.
I could see the aspects of myself at play.
The inner voices.
The parts almost jockeying for position over who was going to get to speak, who was going to react, who was trying to control the narrative of what came out of my mouth.
And honestly… it became almost humorous.
Not in a dismissive way.
But in a deeply human way.
Because I think we take ourselves so seriously sometimes.
And there was something incredibly freeing about seeing these aspects of myself not as enemies, not as failures, but simply as parts that had been trying to help me navigate life.
Even the sharp one.
Even the reactive one.
Even the one that wanted to blow up everything.
And what I noticed was that the moment awareness entered, something shifted.
Not because the feeling disappeared.
That’s important.
Awareness did not mean I suddenly felt peaceful and enlightened and perfectly regulated.
I still felt irritated.
I still felt exhausted.
I still felt the energy underneath it.
But awareness created space.
And in that space, I was no longer completely identified with the reaction.
I could see it before becoming it.
And I think that’s such an important distinction.
Because consciousness is not the absence of emotion.
It’s the ability to witness ourselves within the emotion.
To pause long enough to choose.
And actually, this happened in a very funny way later that same day.
I was about to go onto a community group call, and I knew very clearly that if anyone started bringing complaints or problems toward me that day… it probably wasn’t going to go well.
And so, very lightly, almost jokingly, I said to the group:
“If anyone has issues today, today is not the day to bring them to me. Best to wait until I’m out of my Jekyll and Hyde phase.”
And we all laughed.
And interestingly enough, that intense reactive energy never really fully surfaced again after that.
Not because I suppressed it.
Not because I spiritually bypassed it.
But because I was aware of it.
I was paying attention.
I was noticing the constriction before the reaction.
The bubbling up energy.
The moment where I wanted to say something but was about to push it down again.
And underneath that was a deeper truth:
there was a part of me I had not been listening to.
A part that was tired.
A part that needed rest.
A part that needed quiet.
A part that did not want to keep holding all the balls all the time.
But instead of listening to that part, I had continued moving automatically.
Getting things done.
Holding things together.
Managing.
Supporting.
Carrying.
And eventually the body says:
“No more.”
And I think many of us are being shown this right now in different ways.
And often it’s not through the huge dramatic moments.
It’s through the tiny reactions.
The invisible tensions.
The subtle constrictions.
The things we normally overlook.
Because every single thing we experience in a day is showing us something.
Every interaction.
Every emotional reaction.
Every moment of discomfort.
Especially the small things.
Because the small things often reveal the deepest unconscious structures.
And I truly believe we are collectively moving through a massive unveiling right now.
The consciousness of humanity is shifting.
And yes, I know that sounds strange when we look at a world and everything seems chaotic.
But in many ways, the chaos is the unveiling.
We are seeing what has been hidden.
Collectively and individually.
We are seeing the structures that can no longer sustain themselves.
Because if something remains unconscious, we cannot change it.
We will simply continue repeating it.
But the moment awareness enters, change becomes possible.
And sometimes that change happens very quickly.
A pattern shifts.
A belief shifts.
A perception shifts.
And when that happens, it ripples outward into every area of your life.
Because once you untether yourself from an old identity or an old way of being, life reorganizes around that change.
Relationships shift.
Dynamics shift.
People respond to you differently.
Sometimes beautifully.
Sometimes painfully.
Because not everything can continue once you begin making different choices.
And I think this is why humour matters so much right now.
Lightness matters.
Not because we ignore what’s happening.
But because humour creates spaciousness.
The moment I could see the reactive part of myself with a bit of gentleness instead of shame, it loosened.
I could suddenly recognize:
“Ohhh… this is the part of me that wants to blow everything up.”
And instead of becoming the part, I could become curious about it.
What is this part actually trying to show me?
What does it need?
What is it protecting?
What does it believe will happen if I truly honour myself?
And this is where I think awareness becomes such a profound act of transformation.
Not force.
Not perfection.
Not becoming endlessly positive.
Awareness.
Because this journey is not about never feeling anger or frustration or exhaustion.
It’s about becoming conscious enough to recognize the parts of ourselves that believe they need to react in certain ways in order to stay safe.
And then realizing:
we can make a different choice.
So maybe this week, instead of trying to fix yourself…
simply observe yourself.
Notice the moments where energy rises in your body.
Notice the constriction before the reaction.
Notice the inner voice that says:
“I should.”
“I need to.”
“I have to hold this together.”
“I can’t disappoint anyone.”
“I shouldn’t say that.”
And instead of judging those parts, become curious about them.
Because they are not bad.
They are not failures.
They are aspects of you that have learned how to survive.
But they may not be the truest expression of who you are anymore.
And maybe most importantly…
Can you meet yourself with a little more humour this week?
Can you allow yourself to be human while becoming conscious?
Because awakening is not becoming some perfected version of yourself.
It’s becoming aware enough to stop unconsciously becoming every reaction, every pattern, every inner voice that passes through you.
It’s learning to witness yourself with honesty…
with compassion…
and with choice.
And from that place, everything begins to change.
If you’ve loved this episode of Embodied Soul, please comment, like, and subscribe. It really does support getting these energies and messages out to those who need them.
And I look forward to being with you again next week.
